Tears and turmoil

If you couldn't guess from the title this isn't a happy Australian adventure post, so if that's what you are expecting don't read this. That being said I made a promise to myself to blog about everything. I might not get every detail right, but the blog are as honest as they can be when it comes to how I remember things happening.

The day started out like any other. Wait that's not right. I started the day with a nice run. I've been yearning to feel the pain in my legs and the burning in my lungs accompanied by the euphoria I feel after finishing a run. Perhaps that was a bad choice as yesterday could be the worst day since coming to Australia.

I've been feeling like the third wheel since I got here, but I had prepared for that. Liana and Madeline were roommates, and they would always have a bond that I would never understand. For that reason I believe I've adopted the only child mindset. I would go off on my own, never far away, but try to give them alone time. I don't know if that's what they want, but it hasn't really been a problem until last night.

As I've already stated, the day started out unlike any other. I went for a run, and took a shower. The girls and I watched some SATC and then Rachel chatted me on Facebook. If you haven't heard Rachel is going to Spain for a whole semester; like me she is blogging as well. Well, we decided to Skype with her and the rest of my friends showed up at her house to catch up. It was great talking to them. It reminded how much I miss America. I will admit this one time and one time only. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my home. And I miss my dog. We talked for at least an hour if not two. They said I wasn't missing anything, but it feels like I've missed out on everything.

Don't think that I'm ungrateful for the trip. I am having the time of my life here, but I've begun burn out a bit. I finally beginning to understand the old saying 'you can't have your cake and eat it too', but it still confuses me a bit. The person who made that up was probably trying to say 'you can't always have it all. Sometimes it's impossible.' But I think that they are leaving out a huge part, they need to include that you need to make the best out of what you choose. In terms of cake I think it could be described as if you choose to have you cake, share it with someone so they can enjoy it. And if your friend offers you cake, don't question how many calories there are or what it will cost you; just eat it. You never know when the cake will come, and you might as well make the most of it.

I'm not sure I got that right at all. When there's cake involved I always lose my train of thought. Well, after talking to my friends I joined Liana and Madeline out by the pool to catch some rays. I lathered on some sunscreen and joined them. After a while we decided to Skype our friend Ashley. It was great talking to her as well. Then it came time to get the alcohol. I stuck to my go to wine. I got a bottle of Australian wine for last night, and then it got a bottle of Spanish wine for tonight to celebrate Rachel's epic adventure.

When we came back it was dinnertime. Diane made the best eggplant dish. I went back for seconds, and thirds. After dinner it was time to start getting ready. Liana and Madeline hopped in the shower (separately of course) and I waited for my turn to use the bathroom. When we were all done the real fun began. I cracked open a bottle of wine, and it cracked back at me. Literally. The cork popped off and grazed my forehead. It only hurt a little. Thankfully it wasn't a straight shot. Well, I guess that's what you get when you buy cheap wine. Handle with care.

A bottle and a half of wine latter we were ready to go. Liana's friend Jeremy picked us up and drove us to the club. We were originally going to go to Persa (short for Perseverance), but the line went on for days so we opted for Bimbo's. While at the club Jeremy bought us drinks. He was such a nice guy, only maybe more drinks weren't what I needed.

They say that a drunken mind speaks a sober heart. Well apparently my sober heart had a lot of angst, and that anger was directed at Madeline. For some reason or another I yelled at her. I can't be certain what I said or how she reacted, but I like to think there was some reasoning behind it all. I don't remember much about this fight. I have an interesting coping mechanism where I block out horrific memories. These include but are not limited to fights, disagreements, embarrassing moments, and the awkward years. Sometimes it is helpful, but times like this is is very frustrating. I have a strange sense that I'm not completely in the wrong.

I know it is wrong to get drunk and yell at someone, but if it had been bad I wouldn't feel so free right now. Since we have arrived I feel like I have been walking on eggshells with Madeline, and I haven't said anything about it. Just like that cheap bottle of wine, it all got bottled up and exploded. Only this time I'm not sure who the cork hit though. I know that I should apologize, but I'm not sure what I am apologizing for and I'm not sure that I want to hear it. Soon enough it will come, but right now I just need to think.

Things didn't go much better after my comments to Madeline. I got pissed and angry and sad. I felt like I was going through puberty again. I was unable to control my emotions and they were running wild. Next thing I know I'm in an alley crying to Jeremy texting Liana from his phone, and only reading things that made me feel worse about the situation. The night obviously did not go according to plan, and while I hate to admit it the whole ordeal was probably my fault. Jeremy watched my cry for what seemed like hours until he took me back to Liana's. He was super nice about the whole thing. I think he might have actually been trying to spit game at one point, but it didn't matter. All I wanted to do was call my mom, cry, and force her to get home asap. I only managed the crying. I cried so much that I actually woke up with my makeup glued around my eye. I may have done the impossible. I had cried so hard that my makeup actually glued my eye shut.

The night was a mess that carried on to the morning. Neither of us is ready to talk to the other one, and poor Liana is caught in the middle. I just hope Diane and Brad don't pick up on it before the ordeal is worked out. I don't want to make things awkward for the last week. This time next week I'll be home. That's weird to think about. I'll be back in a place that's mine. A place where I'll always fit. And when I'm there all I will be wanting is to come back. It's funny how things like that work.

Cheers, mate.

P.S. Mom, don't fret. I'm fine. I love you.
P.P.S. Dad, I love you too.
P.P.P.S. I love you too, Tony and Jon.
P.P.P.P.S. I even love you, Kelsey.